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On Running

I went with my walker, walking

Over to open the door next door, the church door.

Ladies luncheon soon, I prepare the room.

For the fading queens, the cooks and quilters,

Pillars holding hearth and home, holding knitting needles.

I Set the table as it should be,

Napkins folded neatly falling folded fanlike

Over the rim of the glass, in orchestral order,

Manifesting the music of my mother,

She showed me how things should be,

How the table should be.

On my way, walking, glancing from my walker,

Barely hearing, barely glimpsing—

Barely woman, lonely running.

“Morning!” “Good Morning!” we said, we women.

“Careful, Oh! be careful!” I said, to the woman.

Tent Talk

Twenty-five girls squeezed in a tent in the dark.

Cheese! Click.

Pairs and pairs of eyes reflect the flash like little bursts of lively lightning.

Don’t forget the flashlight, the fearsome weapon fending off that

Rustling in the bushes

The frightful rustling with knobby gnarly limbs

Or tentacles

Crusty tentacles, wrapping and grasping with spiny phalanges and slimy toenails around

Your imagination.

From the tent, a chorus,

Or a cacophony, chatters out cheer into darkness,

Strangling the creeping, crawling dark things that are not there but might be.

You never know.

If you think about it eating is a strange and fantastic experience. We are taking our surroundings and putting them into ourselves. It is a wild and holy connection with the environment. We take the living things around us and make them a part of us. Its only the living things that we eat- plants and animals, not rocks or dirt. We take their living energy and make it our own living energy. It is true that “we are what we eat.” We should not just view eating as a nutritive necessity or a mindless animal pleasure, but as a physical rite honoring the mystical connection between soul, body, and the world around us.
Jesus himself raised the act of eating by establishing the sacrament of his body and blood. We eat him and he is in us and we become like him. It is not only a symbol to spark remembrance, but the eating itself is a real and significant action tying us as whole people, physical as well as spiritual, to the person of Christ.
As for dieting, or choosing not to eat certain specific things, it can be good not only for health, but also for consciously exercising our rationality. By deliberately choosing to eat or not to eat we engage a part of our humanity that sets us apart from the animals. We should recognize this rational part and relish in it, learning and experiencing it as a higher pleasure than the animalistic pleasure found in eating the brownie set in front of us. There is no wrong in the brownie itself. I think there is wrong, however, in impulsive indulgence. There is no pleasure in that sort of eating, only obesity and health problems. There is great pleasure in exercising the rational part of the brain to decide for or against the brownie. Brownies should only be eaten if they are chosen deliberately and enjoyed fully.

God’s glory is apparent everywhere in creation, if only we have the proper kind of vision. God as creator and sustainer is manifested in all his works. Everything that that has existence exudes his glory, including the faces of humanity. We just have to learn to see it. Chapter three of 2 Corinthians deals with this kind of sight, making the connection to the veil Moses had to wear over his face after seeing God on the mountain. Through Christ this veil is taken away, and now “we all with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed” (3:18). We, because Christ has removed the veil, can see in a way that unbelievers cannot; we can see in a way that transforms us into the image of Christ, “from one degree of glory to another” (3:18).

We as human beings are images of God and so display his glory, but even more so, we as Christians with the veil removed, “seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ” (4:4), and having, “the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (4:6) display God’s glory to a vastly greater degree.

I have been meditating on and practicing this of vision made possible by the removal of the veil all throughout the fall semester until now. I will relate one instance of looking for and seeing God’s glory in another person’s face in a very intentional way. I ran into my friend outside the cafe and she was reading Gerard Manly Hopkins’ poetry. We read one aloud and it spurred a conversation concerning seeing God, and the power of language, and a lot of other things. The conversation was totally spontaneous; I wasn’t very close to her and we had never had that sort of interaction before. This conversation spurred us to a contemplation of prayer, and so we decided to pray aloud for each other. As she prayed I stared into her face, looking at God in her. As she was praying I suddenly wondered why we usually pray with our eyes closed when vision is so important. It is like cutting of one of the senses from experience of God.  Thus, I asked her if we could look into each other’s faces while praying, so that is what we did. As I spoke to God about her, I looked into her eyes and saw not only God’s glory and the glory of Christ crucified for her, but the living presence of God’s spirit in her. As I was speaking and looking, it was as if I was seeing her, but not only her, but that which is greater than her that is in her, and that which is also in me. So I was seeing her self, and that from whence she receives her selfhood and her identity as a reconciled image of Christ, which is also the same in me. We saw our oneness in Christ.

My Grandfather

Sing, people, of adventure and strife,

Of one man making his way in the world,

Of learning ways to escape poverty,

And finding ways to pursue happiness.

The name he bore was Erle Franklinson,

Born out of native land–America,

He finally returned by way of sea,

To set his foot upon his mother land.

He gazed into the sky with ecstasy,

Rejoicing in the life he used to hate

While relishing the smell of Georgia’s shore.

The city and its sounds surrounded him,

Now telling him of opportunity,

And wealth and love and everything he’d dreamed.

He spent the night upon a creaky bed

With leaking roof and ants upon the ground,

But care for this was not upon his mind.

His heart instead was full of eagerness,

Adventure, fear, and lust for living well.

Morning came and when it did he woke

And went amongst the town to make his way.

But this, his plan of living soon was foiled.

Walking down the street he felt a hand,

A grip of violent strength upon his arm,

A hold upon his body and his soul.

Alas, he had jumped ship illegally.

He trudged back up the walk into the ship.

“For once I had my chance, but now I’ve failed.

The brand new life before me in the States,

Killed by bureaucracy and stickler law.

I know that I deserve the right to live

And work wherever in the world I please,

But never in my life have I perceived

Justice fulfill her office for mankind,”

Bewailing to himself while looking back,

Upon the free and happy people there,

Working, loving, living at their whim,

While he could only watch with jealousy.

His journey was not over, that he knew,

The hope within was still a driving force,

Prevailing through the dire circumstance,

He will one day be living at his whim!

He turned away with steel within his soul,

To find himself the object of a gaze.

The man whose eyes surveyed our Erle’s act,

Asked him the reason for the steely face.

Earl replied with introspective thought,

“I’m more a man than how I’ve had to live.

I do know this: that I will one day leave

My life of limitations and bound’ries,

In order to fulfill my lofty dreams.”

Focused now, directed in his rage,

He continued his long, sad narrative.

“My father was a dirty criminal

Whose life was marked by all the pain he caused,

With all his thieving schemes and ruthless lies.

He robbed a dozen banks and then he fled,

Abandoning his wife and all their kids.

He like a coward left the States behind,

With him he took the cash and nothing else,

To thus begin again in Honduras.

It’s his fault I am in this dreadful state.

His woman birthed me in a dirty hut,

And raised me with the other filthy brats.

We lived upon the island off the coast

Of Honduras, that nation of the poor.

Only on the island could I roam,

Trapped by poverty and lack of means.

I was the only redhead in the bunch

Of brown skinned, black haired children in the town.

A puzzling spectacle to rich tourists,

They supposed that I had been kidnapped,

And tried to take me back to find my home.

Oh, how I wish that I had gone with them!

Preventing early on the toilsome strife

Of getting to my goal myself alone.”

The listener made a move as if to speak,

But Erle in his passion carried on,

“Before you judge or question I will say,

My story is a long and lonesome tale,

For parenting and nurture, it was rare,

But on my own instead within me grew,

A thirst for more of life and liberty,

And I determined then and there to do

All it took to leave the scum behind.

You’re likely wond’ring where the riches went,

The stolen riches hoisted from the banks.

My father squandered all on who knows what,

Before I grew enough to understand

The manner in which money passes hands.”

Here the tale was roughly interrupted

By he who calls the crew to man their posts.

After the toilsome break in narrative,

The man with ears to hear sought Erle again,

And Erle again began his lonely tale.

“The point at which I realized my goal,

I also learned the means to get me there.

I chanced upon a stranger in the street

One day while causing mischief as a boy.

He said to me, ‘The only way to win,

The only way to prosper and live well,

Is through the education of the mind.

Learn to use that tool and you’ll succeed.’

I was a child before, but since a man,

Filled with hope and purpose and a plan.

I quit my leanings towards the fruitless play,

 And worked with focus on the end in mind.

Working my way, I made it through my school,

Then hatched a plan to reach America.

Freedom became attainable that day

When I could use the resource of my mind.

I plotted and I schemed and realized

That I could get a job aboard a ship,

Vessels of trade were always needing men.

The money I was paid was not the draw,

Instead it was the hope of being free,

Escaping poverty in Honduras.

So that is why I’m here today, my friend,

Aboard the vessel I both love and hate,

It’s both my way to freedom and a cage,

It brought me closer, but I’m still so far,

From living in the land that I desire.

You saw me forced back up into the ship

Entrapped again with freedom, oh so close.

I never will forget about my quest,

To find my home of future happiness.

I’ll try again until my wish prevails,

There’s nothing that can stop me in the world.”

The ending of his narrative commenced,

The story yet unfinished took a pause.

The listener sympathized and yet he saw,

A bitterness that chilled him to the core.

He said, “My friend, your tale, it moved me much,

But I believe that you will find it hard,

To find what you desire anywhere.

Even America is imperfect,

Work and toil are burdens everywhere.

You should find contentment in the fact,

 That food’s within our reach and shelter too,

And other men with whom we can converse,

Building ties and strong camaraderie.

Right here is happiness if you allow

Yourself to see it right before your nose.”

Then Erle replied with skepticism strong,

That no one could be truly happy here,

“You’re lying to yourself, my humble man.”

Dismissing him as crippled in the heart,

He left, to by himself complete his plan.

Eventually, in Georgia’s port once more,

He tried again to make it onto shore.

Again he found himself on freedom’s land,

And this time he succeeded and remained

Rooted with his feet upon the ground,

Never again to leave the place for sea.

As yet without a home where he belonged,

Triumphantly he looked around the town,

Saying to himself that this was it,

He’d find his way and prosper, finally.

He found employment in a factory

Which made and manufactured paper goods,

His job was minor and low in the ranks,

But hard work and his determination

He knew would earn promotions soon enough.

Here he had the chance for betterment,

And took it, looking only to the top.

His resourcefulness and brilliance soon achieved

The highest job within that paper plant.

He almost now was living at his whim!

The happy thriving freedom now was his,

Now more a man and more American.

For Earl however that was not enough,

There’s more to life than merely work and rent.

He had a job but now he had a need

For something else to make his life complete.

Living alone and working by himself

With money but no friends or love in life,

He pondered on the realm of businessmen.

Still not content, not happy, as he’d wished,

He now must conquer in another way,

To make the home he longed for every day.

He saw her and at once he knew that love

Was what he needed now to make his home.

He said to his companion, “Who is she?

I’ve seen her only once, and yet I feel

Already that she will one day be mine.”

Needing no answer or encouragement,

His strong and restless passion drove him on.

Her name was Grace, and grace the girl possessed,

Her beauty shone like no one of her kind.

She spoke and all around were captivated,

The movement of her form was smooth and light,

Her hair was auburn, flowing ‘round her face,

Her eyes of brown expressed her every thought,

Enhancing her enlivened countenance.

Earl sauntered to her side and made his move,

Full of manly confidence and bold.

He spoke to her of love and future hope,

With words inspired by passion and desire.

Entranced with everything he said and did,

By his courageous spirit captivated.

They married happily not long after,

And lived the young, poor lovers’ life.

Supporting two was worth the cost for Erle,

But still he strove to have the most in life,

Thinking still that he could have it all.

They moved from Georgia to another state,

A smaller town and house in Oklahoma,

To build the home that Erle had foreseen.

Children were added in a space of time,

His wife, the lovely Grace now mother, too.

The portrait of the family looked complete,

The home Erle had desired he finally had,

But dreams made real do often disappoint.

He loved his wife, his kids, his little home,

But happiness in full was not to be,

For families require work and toil and strife,

No less than his former lonely life.

Forced to work now as well as then,

He could not even now live at his whim.

The lofty dream he had was now complete,

But he found that striving never ceased.

He thought back to the day when he in youth

Was talking to the listener on the ship.

He realized now the wisdom in his words.

Perfection in this life is never found,

Not even in the great America.

Though liberty and love are good and true,

Worth striving for and fighting to attain,

Contentment is where happiness resides,

Though all the fence-posts may not be aligned.

 

Pirate no more

Aaah Peter Pan. I am so sad its over! It is truly tragic. I won’t see most of those people hardly at all now.

The shows went wonderfully. I couldn’t have spent a weekend in a better way. The response from the audience was in general very positive. They liked it, weird parts and all. I asked Liz Langworthy what she thought about the weird parts and she said, “what weird parts?” So basically, the weird parts work really well. I wish I could’ve seen it.

 I really like Kat’s theater philosophy (or at least, what I remember about what she said plus what I think): theater in its traditional form has been surpassed in entertainment abilities by film. Film can do so much more with less money than theater in many ways. It wins in the “lets sit and watch something” category of media. Yet theater is still something that film is not. Live. Directors and actors should take advantage of this aspect of theater to enhance the theater experience in ways no other form of entertainment can. What does this look like? In Peter Pan, we broke down the barrier between stage and audience, letting the action invade personal space. During one scene, us pirates shoved our way through rows of seats, prodded, sniffed, and grabbed people, as we were looking for lost boys. Another thing we did was, instead of having elaborate realistic sets, we had suggestive, whimsical sets, forcing the audience to engage their imagination to interpret the visual story. Often the setting was formed by the actors’ bodies. We, at one point were arranged in a corner as Marooner’s Rock, then later we were the waves of the tide closing in on Peter and Wendy. It was an unconventional rendition of Peter Pan, but I think it captured the essence of the story.

 

The fun part of the whole deal was backstage! Ha! We pirates, Marlene, Chelsea, and I, had so much fun! We were out of control. During act one, we danced our galoshes off in the costume room. I discovered I skill that many other pirates do not: I can shimmy! Sadly, the other two had not the natural propensity for this particular dance move, so I took it upon myself to educate these pour souls in the art of shimmying. They were dedicated students and determined to master the skill by the last performance. I am happy to say that they improved greatly! Ha Ha! We laughed so hard! Smee attempting to shimmy! So funny!

Busy?

My friend Liz asked me if I was overcommitted and stressed. I am committed to a lot of things, but I am not stressed. Most people see all the classes and commitments as taking time out of their lives, as getting in the way of just living. That is a terrible way to look at life. All the things I am doing are my life! and the more things I do, the fuller it is. Why would I waste an opportunity to be involved in something I love, for the sake of “free time” with which I would do nothing profitable? I don’t understand. Liz said that she needs time just “to be” in which she doesn’t have to be doing anything. I see the value and need for solitude for prayer and reflection, but again, that is a part of the fullness that is the entirety of life, not the main point that is diminished by other commitments.

I thing God has granted me a special grace this semester. I feel his rest in the midst of the whirlwind of wonderful things I am involved in. I am wildly busy, and simultaneously wholly at rest.

I am able to wholeheartedly throw myself into everything because I feel the meaning and purpose and beauty in it all. I learned a lot about this from a Harry Potter expert. Weird, huh? God is in everything. Its just a matter of having the faculties to perceive him. I have been given the right kind of vision. Christ is the reality behind all the surfaces, upholding the order. Or, I might even say that He is the order. I am seeing him in everything, I am learning of the kingdom of God within, the reality greater than the façade of material things. I am learning that my identity as a human and as a Christian lies in the greater reality- Christ is in me, the kingdom of heaven is in me. That’s who I am. Anything I do to the contrary is marring, distorting, diminishing who I am as a human being. This knowledge gives every activity a wonderful fullness and meaning. I am coming to be more fully human, more fully an image of God, through everything I do. If I only did enough to get by, so I could get a degree, so I could get a job, so I can live comfortably, I would be degrading my humanness! Where’s the humanness in that way of living? Its merely animal!

Being human is a unique responsibility. Being sinful makes being human very difficult. Christians have been given the chance to be better humans. By God’s grace, we have a leg up. God is transforming us into the likeness of his Son, the perfect human.

Materialists have it rough. If there is nothing beyond the surface of material things, there is no humanity. Only death.

What does it mean? I decide. But,

Then gravity fails when I can’t remember.

Or is that normal? There’s no way to tell.

 

All dogs are mailman haters,

Some physicists deliver mail,

Therefore some mailman haters are not physicists.

 

I wonder if he found what it was we lost?

 

If there is a root that caused it all

Then perhaps we can be certain. If not,

Then we can plant it. Maybe yesterday.

 

All cat is in the box

No things not in the box are not dead

Therefore no cat is in the box.

 

I wonder if he found what it was we lost?

 

The note then found its way to my ears.

Had it always been? Shockingly,

It had a source. I hoped it was not myself.

 

“That is the point,” said the cat, “Whence the note and all things depend.”

The A reverberated throughout the spheres,

The returning sound revealing the alignment of the stars.

 

A is A and not not A.

The mailman is a mailman, not a dog.

The cat is alive, not dead.

The box is here- nine spheres from the love

that moves the sun and the other stars.

 

We were found by what we thought had been lost.

The more I think about postmodernism, the more I love it. I am taking interpersonal communication right now and the theories are totally postmodern. It’s all about our perceptions of our relationships and situations and the meaning we create together, and how the language we use shapes the dynamics of our relationships. It’s all so true. I admit- I am a postmodernist. We read a story called The Enormous Room in my Lit class about a guy who was in a disgusting prison cell with straw to sleep on and a stinking hole for a toilet. Sounds depressing doesn’t it? It’s not. It’s hilarious. It showed that if we change our perception of a situation, we can actually change our experience.

The key is, for Christians, to change our perception to be in alignment with God’s. We will see everything, wonderful and tragic, as a part of the epic story of God’s creation. Our experience stemming from such a perception of the world will be a deep and jubilant rest in our purpose.

 I just read Ecclesiastes for Torrey and it fits in perfectly with this post-modern theme! The Preacher perceives that everything under the sun is vanity, thus his experience is one of despair and meaninglessness. Then slowly he becomes able to perceive more than simply what is under the sun. He begins to think vertically rather than horizontally. Eventually he comes to a point where he sees “all the works of God.” Suddenly, he sees that his life fits into a bigger picture. His wisdom is not vanity, toil is not vanity, pleasure is not vanity. God has given enjoyment of all these things as a gift. And although there are a great many evils under the sun and the wicked prosper and the righteous die, “God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.” In the end, it will be fair! The wicked and the righteous will reap the fruit of their works.

With this perspective, his experience of life will be infused with joy in the present and hope for the future.

Our perception does shape our actual experience! Language is also a key component. How he speaks about the events changes what they are to him. Whenever he uses “under the sun” it limits meaning of what he is seeing. Once he makes the switch to speaking of God as the creator and judge of everything under heaven, everything under the sun now means something different.

Throughout the book, he switches back and forth between speaking of work as vanity and a grievous evil, and speaking of it as man’s lot that should be enjoyed. It’s the same action- work- but the language used is totally different, changing the actual experience of work.

I apologize for the unstructured rambling. This is what I do to get in the thinking and writing mood for real assignments.

Here there is not male or female, American or Honduran, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, but Christ is all and in all. That is what I saw when an old Honduran woman came up to us singing hymns and praising God. She had prayed for hands to help them, to bring them water; she did not know where they would come from or how they would get there, but she knew God. We were her answered prayer. She prayed and God brought her us. What beautiful unity there is in the body of Christ!

            Twenty-eight other Biolans and I went with the Honduras Water Project to the village of Plan de Argueta. We raised the money to provide them with running water, and then dug the ditches and laid the pipes alongside them. After the working hours of 6 to 11 am, we provided them with men’s, women’s and kids ministries. I was on the women’s ministry team. We had a Bible study everyday, and then made crafts such as jewelry, flower pens, and fingernail painting.

            We also had a service every night with worship and a gospel message. It wasn’t the kind of trip with a full altar call every night and all kinds of mournful repentance, but we did what God brought us to do; we showed them His love by bringing running water, and I am confident that God will work through what we did and in other ways to bring them Living Water.

            This was my first trip outside the U.S., so I guess I will relate some of my impressions concerning that experience. I came back thinking that the U.S. is a very funny place. Funny as in should be made the object of laughter in certain respects. I can’t quite put a finger on why I felt this way, but as we flew into Houston and saw all the Americans and American stuff, I had the irresistible urge to laugh. The U.S. is a bit ridiculous. For example, we saw a very white, blond-haired, chubby family coming home from vacation with their sunburns and floral shirts. Funny!

            I thought a lot about beauty while I was there. I mean, what’s the standard over there? What makes a woman beautiful in that culture? I couldn’t figure it out in a week. All the women had the same body type, which was, by American standards, not ideal. So which women were beautiful? I learned that light skin is beautiful. The women in the city carry around umbrellas so they won’t get a tan. That’s about as far as I got.

            It was amazing how good they were at staying clean without running water. All of us looked and felt disgusting, but the Hondurans didn’t! We couldn’t figure out how they did it. Is there some special element in our skin that dirt and grime is attracted to? Maybe they are more highly evolved and so don’t need showers as often. Anyhow, I am stinkin thankful for civilized American showers and toilets. I mean, we can flush our toilet paper! Its great!

            I could keep writing about all sorts of hilarious and peculiar and powerful details concerning our trip, but I think this is probably sufficient for the time being, so I’ll end with this thought: mission trips are swell. And God can use people even if they don’t do that much and can’t speak Spanish. And the mission trip is about the people we are helping, not about what we “gained from the cross-cultural experience.” The first question a lot of people asked me was what I go out of it. Isn’t that weird? Well, I mean of course I “got something out of it” but that seems kind of not the main point, right? I didn’t go for the getting; that’s against the whole idea of the thing.

Alright, now I’m stirred up. Better stop for real now. Have a nice evening everyone. And go on a mission trip sometime. God likes using us to help the world. 

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